DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
