Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
