Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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