hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He kissed a someone with a penis
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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