Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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