For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
