I just pynch a tree in the face
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
