I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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