There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
