Pappa wants mamma naked
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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