I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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