i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
