At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
