You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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