I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
