He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
