the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I showed him my bush... on skype.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Randomize
