i barfeds in our rink
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
