She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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