no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
