i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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