I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
