is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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