Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
