He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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