does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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