She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
