and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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