alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
