A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
