The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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