Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
