My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
