There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
