just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
