Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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