Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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