Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
