"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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