Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
