she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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