my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
