Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
one might say we're banned from that church
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
