Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
