Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
