her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
