just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
