i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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