We named our party play list daddy issues
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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