...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
