I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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