Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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