It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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